What remains.

I look.

I check.

I find.

I search.

I find.

I find myself find

That someone's left behind.

To tell, I must, I myself remind.

Share the gist and joy

In the friendship bind.

In the end its hardly there.

What we sow or what we bear.

We think is but

Who is near who dear.

Celebrate to invite

Celebrating joy brings more joy into life. If you feel that you have no joy, celebrate being. Because if you are, there is possibility for immense joy. Celebrate!

Space and Time

When we're sad we think of a so much past and so much present and as much future. Every once in a while we get tired of everything that is going on around us. We need some time to take some space. Spend some alone time and recollect our ideas. It good to do that. And when we do that. We realize that past has passed and future hasn't arrived. All space melts into HERE and all the time in the world becomes NOW and that's all we really ever have.

Love is not free

Is permitting someone to hurt us, always such a bad idea? Hoping that things would be understood your way some day and life would change its course, wrong?

Some times we give people more space than they deserve hoping they would realize it's importance in due time. But that only gives the person more reason to value that space less than ever, he got it without effort.

Unearned affection is like inherited money. Many get it, select few ever double it. But it's the ones who double who leave for someone else to inherit.

Old Habits Die Hard

Break ups are so difficult not only because of the emotional turmoil but also because of the habits that are to be given up. Nick names. Things that we did for each other. Waking up thinking of each other. Being the first one to be told. Being the one to be there no matter what. Laughing to each other's silliest jokes.

Specially is that person stays in touch. Or is from the same work place. It is more difficult to let of the reactions we have always reacted. Smiled as we have always. And so every time anything happens that reminds us, it hurts.

Bad friends are like Bad Investments

Some people never pay up what they borrow or return favors or even greetings. What are these people to you if they don't ever give anything in return. They make you wait, they let you down and make you feel disrespected.

Consider them as bad investments. Recovered if possible. If not, best forgotten.

Sense of Love

As teenagers love was more about attention than about affection. Being noticed was the centre piece of emotions. Growing up we realize that its more than just being noticed. Its about being considered all the time.

As time frame expands, love becomes more and more about being there for each other beyond time frames.

Not one sense can be replaced with another. Paying attention. Being considerate. Being cared for. Being there for. Priorities change. Demands, expectations change. It never ends.

Procrastination in love

Most of the times we lose chances not because we didn't have a chance in the first place but because we miss it by our own choice. We keep waiting for the right time so much that we miss it every time it is really there. But really, why is it so difficult to admit that we're in love. Why do we fear to make that first move? Really, what's there to lose? We don't have them in the first place.

Its just better to get out and take our chances. At least try. We never know when we might get lucky.

Getting Back

I can't stop getting back to The Fountainhead every few years. Neither can I stop asking my loved ones to read it. Its just that I feel so great sharing it. Even if you don't agree with the philosophy, the book is still a masterpiece in all its beauty and perfection.

Relating emotions

We relate different emotions to different situations. So we expect pleasantries on meeting and memories on parting. But what about the new and unexpected situations?

Some situations are simply not romantic, but begin to be, simply because of the person we are sharing it with. That is something special. To some feeling thrilled on holding a special someone hand might seem old fashioned. But our bodies still react in a way, that even today, when we do want someone that much, we get thrilled at the slightest opportunities.

Feelings in their purest form are the ones that last the longest and mean the most. Try looking out for those, because all others are just twisted representations leading to even twisted emotions. It glorious to feel pure delight, pure sorrow or pure fun. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Simply Understood...

We just know which movie will not be our type to enjoy. We just know what to say to some people and it would never change anything between. Some people just understand us. There may be no words to explain. There may be no descriptions at all. But we're simply, understood. That's worth something.

Going back to what we wish for

Considering that bigger picture, many things would lose the importance they are now getting. Sometimes its equally important to look closely. We may now be yearning for a moment from the past that if granted, we won't be so happy to go back to.
A struggle that was exhilerating. A misplaced moment of joy. Missing a love we left by choice and who was at one time, very dear.
If we see what we have come through, we wouldn't ourselves want to go back.

Good Vibrations

Nice people have nice vibrations. Optimistic people bring optimism even without saying anything. Sad people make you gloomy just by their presence.
Everybody gets sad some or the other time. It is those who struggle at the right time to get out of it who get out in time, others end up wasting time. Realizing that we're sad is one thing, doing something to cheer ourselves up is another. Nobody can cheer us as well as ourselves. The lesser time we spend on bad feelings, more we have for the good ones. Anybody who thinks like that, will automatically bring that feeling to you. Thats why spending time with friends when they are "supposedly" cheering you up, helps.
You want to be happy, get around happy people. And whoever agrees on wasting time on sadness, don't you even dare come near me.

Losing The People We Don't Like

There are some people in our live's who aren't there for any particular purpose. They talk to us. A lot. They just take up our time and attention with little to give in return. It may seem mean at first. Or even be difficult, at times. But once we lose this kind of people, we will realize a clearer picture. A better view. Being undisturbed. Thinking of more pleasant thoughts, for longer.
Well, some people are just not worth keeping.

Giving Chance a Chance

We will never know what lies in store for us unless we take our chances and explore. Invite opportunities, to consider possibilities. Open new doors. Take new steps. Create memories. Explore. Experiment. Enjoy.

Life is just this once.

Respecting other's space and keeping our own

A person who can't understand other people's privacy will never repect their space. Invasion of privacy can be very hurting.

Never give anybody rights to any more space in life than they deserve. Anybody might leave anytime. And no matter who leaves, you are the one who stays back.

RUN RUN RUN!

Take your music player...run.

Every little while...

RUN!

from all that is troubling you.

from all that doesn't matter.

from all that doens't make sense.

from all that is stopping you.

Only upto a certain point

We try to do something. With less luck. We try again. Until one day, we just suddenly successful. That's how it is with developing new skills. We struggle with it for a while, then one fine day, its a part of who we are.

I was struggling to move out of a relationship for a while. Struggling to move out, emotionally. I would end up stuck in it as soon as I heard some sweet words coming my way from that direction. And then I would regret falling for lies, depressed and disheartened. I didn't realize when, but the effect of lies and betrayal withered away by itself. I became neutral. I didn't care anymore. Neither happy, nor sad, at best, relieved, maybe.

And as we overcome obstacles and mistakes, we become the person who could have overcome and not be broken. And then, regret too, fades away, and there is nothing we wish to do or undo about it.

At the end, we are human. We get hurt. We get let down. We get sad. But only to a certain point. After which, we really don't care. And when it comes to the end, you have to let go.

Perfect Forever

We wait for the perfect circumstances forever. But is there anything called perfect circumstances? Do they ever arrive? Perfect circumstances might never arrive.

Do you intend to wait forever then?

Perfect is right here right now. Right time is right here right now.

Do it, right here, right now.

Believe!

Give to receive.

Believe, to revive.

Imagine to achieve!

As Perfect As Imperfect Can Be

Not realizing the mistakes we make in another frame of time and another frame of mind is the worst mistake that we can possibly make. Never expect yourself to be perfect. Or to be in total control. Or even perfectly sane, all the time. We are all insane some of the times.

Forgetting Pieces to make Peace

Whenever we start learning a new language it takes us a while from moving from when we're just beginning to coming into the flow, and when the language spills out of us automatically. Same is with memories. They depart without notice.

Sometimes its not a matter of realizing as it is a matter of happening. Its important we forget. Its more important that we don't realize we forgot. Because that is equivalent to remembering. Sometimes, there is a certain solace in forgetting. Silence is so much better than noise.

Designing moments of life

It is us who decide to express happiness or guilt or fear. We are constantly designing every moment of our life. We make a choice when we choose to pick flowers for a loved one when we go to meet them. We plan surprises. Its the value of thought that is put in that makes it more precious than the gift itself.

Some people think its unnecessary to invest this time or emotion in making moments. Flowers die out they say. But so do dreams and life ends too. But we still live it in the best spirit affordable to our beings.

So we must put thought in making each beginning as beautiful as can be and so the ending. Designing moments as filmy as can be and being directors of our own lives.

If we welcome, we will get.

The fundamental reason why we don't get many new people into our live's all the time is because we are defensive and don't let many people in. We get unfriendly and unwelcoming to strangers. Its a great idea to meet new people specially if we are trying to change our lives in some way. New people bring new ideas into our lives.

Everybody has only so many hours to life. So many hours to work, think, play. Everybody has their own ideas about life. Its when we share that we get new perceptions about life. And opening up is particularly helpful when we are trying to make difficult decisions in life.

YES MAN is a nice movie about the idea of opening up our lives to new possiblities. The movie stresses the depression and lack of enjoyment in life when we are NO MEN and refuse possiblities their chance to change our lives. There are always people like ourselves to share, grow and accompany. All we have to do is reach out and connect. New experiences bring new people and newer joys in life.

Open up.

Find your tribe.

Let some go out.

Let some in.

We may not be all one, but we are sure in it together.

Blink!

Blink is a famous book by Malcolm Gladwell and it sure isn't about relationships. But it does present a very interesting idea about relationships. More about the concept of "contemp" than about relationships.

Gottman has found, in fact, that the presence of contempt in a marriage can even predict such things as how many colds a husband or wife gets; in other words, having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system. " Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community. The big gender difference with negative emotions is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem, the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more critical and it becomes a circle. But there isn't any gender difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all" Contempt is special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you dont need to know every detail of the couple's relationship.

I agree.

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

This song reminds me of The Secret. Maybe because is has so many I CANs

Choosing to wait

When someone leaves someone, someone is naturally left behind. It is not the greatness of the one who left to have left, it is the greatness of the one that is left behind, to move forward with hope in his mind.

On that some day

And someone shall accept us. As we come on the day destined.

I am.

It is not so much the place we make for ourselves in this world, as it is the place in this world that we were born with. We all have our own. We are this person who is here at this moment and nobody else.

Someone will...

Some people will come back for us, when we ourselves fail to recognize ourselves. And they shall be there for us, taking care of us, making up for what we can't accomplish.

Life plays some tricks...

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne is one famous book. It says that whatever we say/think we want, gets attracted to us in this universe. True. So if we're thinking that we need to work only tad bit more so we succeed, that comes true in a way that we're always falling tad bit behind.

Life is full of tricks. Its how we interpret it and how it really gets interpreted that really makes all the diference.

All colors of life!

Going through life at a fast pace we tend to plan, predict and prepare life so custom made that we miss out on surprises. Life fails to surprise us if don't leave any space for it to do so. Prepare, but don't over prepare. Leave some scope for surprise, and who know, life might juse take you down some stunningly scenic road!

Instant Forgetting - Switch Period

Gloom and bloom are all phases that we all go through now and then. There are some things that can make the gloom disappear almost instantly. A change of pace. A change of place. After a bad experience or a major disappointment, everybody takes their own time to bounce back. This is the Switch Period. The time one takes between being disappointed and being revitalized. We need that optimism most specially after a disappointment, but the time one takes to get there varies.

Some people believe that happiness and sorrow don't deserve any more than 24 hours of glory. But it's a hard idea to practice. So we use some help to make through that period.

Step away from the things that are troubling you. A change of pace or a change of place, are the major helpers. Sooner you step out of the past, the sooner you step into the future. The faster you move, the smoother the ride.

The people we meet on our way up are the same people we meet on our way down. True. But then, everybody knows that. So why is arrogance so common?

Because some people really are luckier than others. And people do get away with a lot. Maybe God has discount seasons too. And maybe we'll be in at the right spot sometime soon enough...

Unchain my heart!

Freedom is something that as much as given does come back. Well, unless it destroys you before you come back.

Little children have the tendency to do things that we ask them not to, out of curiosity. If you ask a child to not to go towards the stairs because he might fall, he would enjoy going in that direction. But once he falls and gets hurt, he would then be careful all by himself.

I guess its a case not with children only, but grown ups too. Only in grown ups its not that obvious. If you ask your husband to look at that pretty lady, he would not stop. But once one of these pretty girls takes advantage of him, he would hold his desires by himself, with no need for prompting.

It's just the way freedom works. Just that most of the times, it works against us. The husband might have an affair long enough to destroy your relationship. The child might get seriously injured falling off the stairs. The trick is to have freedom well balanced in life to enjoy the benefits and exploring the stairs, without falling off and hitting your head.

Comes Naturally

Either we notice something, or we don't. Either we care, or we don't. Either we love or we don't. If we love, either we accept we love and say that we love or we resist our attraction and say we hate. Its all the same thing. Life is always absolute. We are alive or dead. We are happy or we're not. And to be happy is really all anybody ever desires, of course. Some people are made happy by acquiring and some by providing. But the aim is the same - happiness.

What is happiness? Chemical phenomenon? Reflex? It isn't necessary to know the functioning of the process. But we know. Somehow we know when to cry and when to smile. It comes naturally.Mean people are naturally mean. And nice ones are naturally nice too. Nobody can really fake their desires or their reactions. Its just how they are. Everybody being strange in their own ways, the best we can do is choose our friends without judgement, keeping the ones that match our levels of strangeness. There is really no good or bad. We are as we are, and it comes naturally.

Running out of conversation

Some people are naturally talkative. They can go on and on and on and never run out of things to talk about. While some just fall short of words. It isn't particularly good or bad - being talkative or not. Its just how we are. Some people like to discuss, asking for opinions, consulting before making decisions. And others just live on their own.

Sharing of ideas and opinions does bring two people close as they begin to know each other better. It doesn't necessarily mean that to be close one has to share every personal detail. Space is an important component of any human relationship.  Some spaces just better left un-invaded. Some words are simply better unsaid. And not because they are meant to remain unknown. But because they are meant to be known automatically.

I am trying hard to write a post. Honestly, I am. But I am hungry and I am also trying to be on a diet. I don't know why we take such pains giving up food to stay in "shape" while it does make us suffer and sometimes even shapeless.

Women go through the pressure of pleasing. Overweight is unattractive. Sometimes it affects our confidence. Diet has a problem of suffering both when following and when not following. If I eat too much sweet, i feel guilty. If i don't, I feel longing. And that's exactly the reason why I'm never actually dieting. I'm always trying to be on a diet. So I never eat too much junk food and never feel too guilty.

Exercise is good. I love to walk. It doesn't require fancy equipment and it can be done any time of day. I guess its for people like me who don't really have a schedule. Laziness is another excuse that keeps me from the gym. Maybe things will change some day...

Ideas - Events - People

The lines on our palm say a lot about our person and life. Handwritings speak a lot about our personalities. Sleeping postures too are said to express significant details of our states of mind. Similar is the case with the things we talk about.

We can broadly talk about only ideas, events or people. It is an old saying that:

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

I think is makes sense. But the good news is that, by changing what we talk about, we can change the kind of person we are. Same as karma can change the lines of our palms.

Start thinking, and think before you talk.

Emotional Needs

Most people blindly expect the other person to guess what they want to be told or given. That's because few people even themselves know what is wrong with them or what is their need of the moment. It's great to have someone who can understand without even being told. Those are sure treasures. But mostly, we just have to state clearly what we want from the other person which we call communication. It can be easier or more difficult for the people who do know what they want. Sometimes it is just difficult for express the need. But what if you take your time to understand what you what. You put it as clearly as possible so that the other person understands it completely. And then the most important part of the puzzle goes missing - you're refused? What then?

Noise Meditation

Concentration is difficult. But its a skill that can be developed. Or a state that can be achieved. Meditation and its various forms work pretty well for it. Sometimes noise can be a great way to help concentration. Use the ipod. When I have to really force myself to study when I'm running away too fast away from it, I put on some great music on the ipod loud enough and start studying. Works well. Singing along, I end up getting involved in whatever I was trying to study.

I guess, that is called managing to get work done. Even from myself.

Catalyst

I was listening to this old favorite of mine called the "Sometimes you can't make it on our own" by U2. But what do we do when we want to do something we can't do it alone? We find someone to bridge the gap. Find someone to compliment your drive with work. That guy is the catalyst.

Now the catalyst is not just somebody who is passing the idea from one end to the next, this person is actually improvising. Because that is what is making him vital. He is that bridge. Value the catalyst. Value being the catalyst. It's a very important part of accomplishing valuable tasks. After all, completing something is more important than doing it alone.

Fun Test

There may never be a wrong time to join something, there's always a right time to quit. There is this simple test to know when something is not working out and its time to quit. There are even books written about it. But there's really just one single test.

When something stops being fun, its time to let go.

It applies to all situations, jobs, projects, relationships, even children. When children have developed their own personalities, and you lose influence over it. Its time to let go of the resentment and accept it as a part of their personality.

After all that, I'll just have to...

Most people don't promise anything to you.
Some people make promises and break them.

Some people make promises and keep them.

Some, very few, make promises and deliver much more!

And if someone loves you. If that person is the one who is always by your side through ups and downs. If that person worries about you. If that person makes you get the better of yourself. If that person helps you be successful. Then chases you down to become as successfull himself. And asks you to marry him. Is there a possibility that you will still have to reject that person?

Some people actually do that, you know.

My Crib!

You know what is so special about home? Its home! Thats what! Its the place which makes us feel like no other does. Its ours'. No matter how small or large, our houses make us feel safe. Its the place where we run to. And if we're lucky, we have people there who make the home even more a place to run to.
The people we love, make a house a home. That includes ourselves. A house is the place that gives us the sense of belonging. Even in an unknown land, our hotel room is our place. Because even if only for a few days, it belongs to us.
That is the reason we miss home when we're away. For the sense of belonging. The sense of being at rest. And comfortable.

Duck is a duck!

I believe that true happiness is when your words and your actions are in perfect agreement. But for most people it isn't so. People tend to fail their words. Their actions don't agree with their words or promises. It is a kind of deception even if we are all so used to it by now that we dont notice it. It still is, a deception.

Don't promise what you can't deliver. Mostly because delivering what you promise is such pleasure. Don't way what you dont mean. Or you'll always be misunderstood.

Knowingly or unknowingly, people notice. People notice the kind of person someone is. And everybody is constantly judged. And nobody cares to point out or help change or improvement. People judge you for what you act like and make their own set of choices. You do it too. Its just the rule of the game.

If it acts like a duck (all the time), it's a duck. Doesn't matter if the
duck thinks it's a dog, it's still a duck as far as the rest of us are
concerned.

Associative Memory

Whenever we see something or someone, interact with someone, read something or do something, we relate that experience to the things we have already known and experienced. This is associative memory. Even when old, we'll think of our childhood when we think of our childhood friends. We might even think of things that might have been. Possibilities. Expectations. Unfulfilled desires. It might pain too. But that is all as much part of life as everything else.

Things happen only when they are supposed to happen. They way they are meant to happen. It isn't even a matter of waiting. We can only but enjoy each moment as it comes to look into our eyes, leaving just sense in us that it has been, and brush past as if it had never been and yet always remain.

It Takes a Leader

Every child is troubled by the bullies. Everybody hates a bad boss. Everybody understands the faults of a bad dictator. But it takes courage of a leader to harness that feeling into a movement and make it into a revolution. There are always enough people who feel like you do. All you need to do it seek them out and make the crowd work for you. The people who feel like you do. People who want to make the changes you want to make. It takes a leader to lead.

Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. At the same time, its the followers that make the leader a leader. Not just ones who are willing to follow, but those who are eager to follow.

If you want to start something, be ready to take the responsiblity of being the leader.

Think in terms of what you want

What you want is what you get in life. If you focus on the things you don't want, you would not get the things you want. In order to get what you want, you have to focus on the things you want. And because there are just so many things you can focus on, single mindedly, focussing on the things you DON'T want only leads you astray.

Think in terms of what you want.

I want health.

I want wealth.

I want to be loved.

I want to be happy.

You have to be clear about what you want, in order to get what you want. And of the things you don't want, there's less sense in highlighting.

People who care, pay attention!

In the end, people who don't care about you, won't notice it if you die. The people who will notice, are the ones who care. And they would be caring about everything you do. They'll pay attention when you're feeling sick. They notice when you are not realizing that you're not able to do it. They read between the lines. They will notice that you're lying. They will notice that you're sad. They just notice. People are not jewels which others' eyes feel pleasant to look and for us are just to carry around. But the ones who care, are really jewels, only of a different kind.

Should I give up Chasing Pavements...

Every once in a while we have a hard time giving something up. This song reminds me of all of those things. And of all the confusion those situations mean. But its not a sad song. It has been nominated for the song of the year 2008 and the artist Adele won the best new artist grammy award. I didn't totally love this till I heard it for 5 times and totally got addicted to it. The video is so artistic and it took me a moment to realize that it is really as lovely as that!

Clean Slate...so we wish...

Eternal love and wait and suffering. They all seem to be bound together for eternity. It seems to me that most people would agree that we do love who we love, and we end up loving them forever. Movies like Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind and Vanilla Sky just tell me that.

Why is it so painfull to let go? Or to love someone else? Maybe what we desire for after a relationship is not another relationship, more beautifull or not, what we wish is for the feeling that the previous one had never existed and we had a clean slate.

Everyone is a superhero...

With reality shows flooding the television space and competetive exams flooding young minds, I have begun to feel that there is really no definitions of best and there are ever fewer losers these days. Everybody seems so very talented to me. Every child is struggling so much better than their previous generations.
Considering that the people now are not only more hardworking but are also more aware of the opportunities available to them and more active in realizing their downfalls and coming over them. I wonder how much more wonderfull these intellingent people would make the world where everybody is striving to be better and better.
There is all the reason to feel good enough and upto mark and absolutely fabulous. There may be no definition of best and it being only a relative term, but while everybody is good at something or the other, its like everybody is a superhero and only their superpowers are unique. Either I'm right, or I'm too optimistic.

The childhood-connection

Lately it seems to me that all the happy couples have known each other for a major part of their lives. So it was because they've known each other through the initial struggle of their lives, they connect better than the other couples. All movies seem to be telling me that. Slumdog Millionaire. Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Forrest Gump. All people who I come across seem to be showing me that.
Is there no hope for the people who haven't known each other forever? For that magical connection? For that "I know exactly what you feel" feeling?
Maybe we can become excellent story tellers and make up for the years lost. Maybe we can be fantastic lovers and make past unimportant. Maybe we can be so filled with future that there is only that moment and the possibilities of the next?
Maybe...

being possessive, well, yeah...

Sometimes people feel so possessive about their partners, they fear comparision. So they dont want their partners to know anybody else's affection. Thats strange. If you believe you really love someone, and you do, enough to get possessive, I guess there is no reason to fear comparision.

Of course that doesn't mean that your partner can go around with just anybody. Just that, they are permitted to have a past. Look. They are with you. Because they aren't with that other person. And because they think you're better. So the whole basis is - you are better! So quit bothering about it. Time to forget about it. And help/make your partner forget about it too.

For why wouldn't I?

I've become a fan. So please forgive me. But I love this part of the movie The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button where Elizabeth Abbot (Tilda Swinton) tells the story of her swimming through the English Channel. She admits that she wanted to. After struggling for hours she stopped. And hasn't done much with her life after that. Even though at the time, when asked about trying again, she has answered, "For why wouldn't I?".
This is the case with many of us. We give up too soon. While all the time, we were only one step too far.

Not so much attention!

We pay so much attention to some such unimportant people in our lives, its such a waste. Some people just need a reason to criticize you, or belittle you, sometimes not ever a reason. And yet we make such effors to please or ignore such defaulters. We try to argue, convince, sometimes avoid. While really, anything we do is already being done. Most of the things are being done all the time. So what is such a big deal that these few people need to pick on us, criticizing, irritating and just coming through as arrogant rats while many a times they themselves aren't so great anyway. It is just our attention that is making them feel as important at they are feeling in the first place.

All these people do is waste our time and attention. Discussing things that don't need any discussion. Inviting explainations on obvious actions. And really with no real returns.

Listen to what Samuel Goldwyn said:

Pay no attention to the critics. Don't even ignore them.

Wrong timing

Why is it that people spend the time when they're totally in cheezy lovey-dovey stuff on doubting their lover and the time when the lover isn't paying attention wishing they did. Its so vicious and stuck up. Trust is difficult, I know, I know. But really? So difficult that you can't enjoy the moment? Right now, someone's talking nice and behaving well, enjoy it, lets blush and be flattered and be happy AND NICE.