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Is permitting someone to hurt us, always such a bad idea? Hoping that things would be understood your way some day and life would change its course, wrong?
Some times we give people more space than they deserve hoping they would realize it's importance in due time. But that only gives the person more reason to value that space less than ever, he got it without effort. Unearned affection is like inherited money. Many get it, select few ever double it. But it's the ones who double who leave for someone else to inherit.
 Break ups are so difficult not only because of the emotional turmoil but also because of the habits that are to be given up. Nick names. Things that we did for each other. Waking up thinking of each other. Being the first one to be told. Being the one to be there no matter what. Laughing to each other's silliest jokes.
Specially is that person stays in touch. Or is from the same work place. It is more difficult to let of the reactions we have always reacted. Smiled as we have always. And so every time anything happens that reminds us, it hurts.
 Some people never pay up what they borrow or return favors or even greetings. What are these people to you if they don't ever give anything in return. They make you wait, they let you down and make you feel disrespected.
Consider them as bad investments. Recovered if possible. If not, best forgotten.
We just know which movie will not be our type to enjoy. We just know what to say to some people and it would never change anything between. Some people just understand us. There may be no words to explain. There may be no descriptions at all. But we're simply, understood. That's worth something.
Freedom is something that as much as given does come back. Well, unless it destroys you before you come back.
Little children have the tendency to do things that we ask them not to, out of curiosity. If you ask a child to not to go towards the stairs because he might fall, he would enjoy going in that direction. But once he falls and gets hurt, he would then be careful all by himself.
I guess its a case not with children only, but grown ups too. Only in grown ups its not that obvious. If you ask your husband to look at that pretty lady, he would not stop. But once one of these pretty girls takes advantage of him, he would hold his desires by himself, with no need for prompting.
It's just the way freedom works. Just that most of the times, it works against us. The husband might have an affair long enough to destroy your relationship. The child might get seriously injured falling off the stairs. The trick is to have freedom well balanced in life to enjoy the benefits and exploring the stairs, without falling off and hitting your head.
 Some people are naturally talkative. They can go on and on and on and never run out of things to talk about. While some just fall short of words. It isn't particularly good or bad - being talkative or not. Its just how we are. Some people like to discuss, asking for opinions, consulting before making decisions. And others just live on their own.
Sharing of ideas and opinions does bring two people close as they begin to know each other better. It doesn't necessarily mean that to be close one has to share every personal detail. Space is an important component of any human relationship. Some spaces just better left un-invaded. Some words are simply better unsaid. And not because they are meant to remain unknown. But because they are meant to be known automatically.
 There may never be a wrong time to join something, there's always a right time to quit. There is this simple test to know when something is not working out and its time to quit. There are even books written about it. But there's really just one single test.
When something stops being fun, its time to let go.
It applies to all situations, jobs, projects, relationships, even children. When children have developed their own personalities, and you lose influence over it. Its time to let go of the resentment and accept it as a part of their personality.
Eternal love and wait and suffering. They all seem to be bound together for eternity. It seems to me that most people would agree that we do love who we love, and we end up loving them forever. Movies like Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind and Vanilla Sky just tell me that. Why is it so painfull to let go? Or to love someone else? Maybe what we desire for after a relationship is not another relationship, more beautifull or not, what we wish is for the feeling that the previous one had never existed and we had a clean slate.
 Why is it that people spend the time when they're totally in cheezy lovey-dovey stuff on doubting their lover and the time when the lover isn't paying attention wishing they did. Its so vicious and stuck up. Trust is difficult, I know, I know. But really? So difficult that you can't enjoy the moment? Right now, someone's talking nice and behaving well, enjoy it, lets blush and be flattered and be happy AND NICE.
 We look for people who can understand us. We all do. You too must have wished for someone who could understand what you are going through. Or what really makes you happy. Or someone who knows exactly how you feel right now. Haven't you? We often confuse companionship with love. And so we just keep looking for it in the ones we love. But every relationship has its own place. A friend is a friend. A lover is a lover. A mother is a mother. We need all of them. Even those relationships that have no name...but this post is not for them.  An elder sibling is a parent who is your own day and age. He/She understand what you need to know, What you want to know, And also, what you know and wouldn't admit. Somebody we love to miss for fighting with. Someone who always thinks we're in love with the wrong person. Somebody we like to tease, tickle and please. Someone who has seen you through the best and the worst and has been there, literally, by default. I have some very fond memories of my brother as I'm sure many of you do (brothers or sisters). This post is dedicated to them. I miss my brother. And so I write this. Not because today is sibling day or something...
 Would you like to be with somebody who makes your bad times worse? Somebody who will make fun of you right when you can't take it? Or try to overlook the fact that anything is wrong at all?
I believe the answer is - No. At least that is the sane way. When people behave that way, they just make it easier for us to decide. They make the confusion go away. No. If today, someone is depressing us further when we need to be cheered up, they don't deserve us. And what will they do when if times get worse? In future they migh, we never know! Its just a fact about that person that we need to face. Because people rarely change what their natural attitude is like. We should take people as they come, like we take times as it comes. There is not other right way to take it. Or we may feel optimistic and hope that we can change this person. Only because we so wish they do. But optimism is a disease that honestly has no cure. We believe. We hope. We wish. Really, isn't optimism just a disease after all??
 Right. So you just want all roses till you decide to throw them all away. Everybody wants all nice. Who doesn't like to be loved? But there's some responsibility to that. How can you treat someone badly, specially someone who loves you quite honestly. If you try it on yourself, you would want to be treated nicely by someone you love. Even when they don't love you back. Its a human need. Need for acknowledgement. Attention. Affection.
And think of it this way. If you are insulting/hurting someone because they are too emotional about you, are you trying to prove to them how wrong they are in loving you? Really? Aren't you worth it? Don't you agree when they say you're wonderful? You may not feel the same way about them. But you can agree. You can handle the admiration. You can thank. Check your self-esteem. You dont have to love everybody who loves you. But you should keep them people. These are the people who noticed you. The good things about you. There are plenty of people who would hate you, who will criticize you, be jealous of you, despise you. Who would you rather keep? The ones who hate you or the ones who love/like/admire you?
 People move out of relationships or look out of relationships only when they require something they aren't getting. In very few cases is the person you're in a relationship with is a loser you can't make things work with. You chose that person because you believed you could make things work with this person. So deal with it instead of running from it. Make it work.
It may feel very unpleasant when your partner steps out but then why don't you just communicate what he needs so badly? Talk. Communicate. It happens all the time. Sometimes people want more admiration. Sometimes they want more space. Sometimes they are just lost and need you to help them find a way. Sometimes all they need is a hug. If your partner needs something, provide it. Find out what they need. Be interested. Thats what makes you partners. If things seem less than perfect, make them perfect. Its not all that difficult. Do something beautiful for your partner. Make them feel special. Give them a reason to stay and you'll find that they would never want to leave.
 There are so many beautiful people in this world.
How can someone fall in love just once? But will you marry every person you love? Is one better than the other? Just how did you compare? It feels great to be in love. Its fantastic. The feeling of wanting someone so bad. We love somebody and it may not work out. We can try and wish and try and try and it may still not work out. And there's no worse feeling than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Love isn't about one-way traffic. Love isn't beautiful till two people make it beautiful. But you fall in love and it doesn't work out. Do you hate that person? Unless they shoot you, no, you dont hate them. They are the one you wanted so much to be yours'. You still love them. Only want them a little less. Controllably well. If you love someone. Its the biggest compliment you can give them. If you hate them because you found someone with who things are finally there, thats the smallest you can think. There are so many beautiful people in this world. But just so many that you fall in love with. Keep them in that special circle. "Desirable". Maybe some day when you're old and grey, you'll have the most beautiful time of your life thinking about what didn't work out in the past. It can happen. And in the meantime, life is still beautiful.
We see a lot of times we lose the people we love most. Only because we're too busy being arrogant or just too busy with ourselves. We fail to be there for the ones we love, in their times of need. Distracted with all the fake emotions the people show us, we forget the ones who really be there when we need. Someone wrote this for me once...maybe you'll connect with it.
(This is the first time I'm sharing something personal with you guys. I hope you enjoy it, you're my readers, and I would like to share this with you guys.)
So Incomplete Without You By Shreye Mehtani
(Dedicated to Deepa Goyal) Its about the time
When I started facing the world,
So fake, so insecure, so dark.
For the ones who are lost, like me
Punched, stabbed & kicked away
Don't know what to find. where to stay.
It was then, when I found you, staring,
I dont know what at, me
or the mud people threw on my face.
You wiped away the tears, the mud,
The webs that entangled my mind.
To recollect whatever was left far behind.
When I could upright & fight.
I couldnt see beyond the domain of revenge
And I never realized, your hand was slipping
And now when you are gone. I regret.
And realize, what stands true.
The fact, that I'm so incomplete without YOU.
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
Homer Simpson
Are you impulsive?
Do your moods swings swing way faster than most people can predict?
Do people keep asking you if you're feeling ok?
Do people have a hard time being sure about what you think?
Right, you are the unpredictable moody i'm talking about. Do you realize how difficult it is to keep up with your moods? Do you understand the position of someone who is trying to be comfortable around you? Just relax will you? Control your moods for a while. It isn't all the difficult. Try? And yeah, just let people know what you're thinking. At least those who are eager to know. Please.
Just why do people become so crazy in the name of love that they dont mind being taken advantage of? Some people carry on relationships because of the money, or status, emotional dependence, or merely habbit. Habbit too. Really. Some people keep dragging a relationship because they dont know what they'll do without it. But is it really that way? Should it really be that way? Weigh your relationships on how it is contributing to your life. Make decisions, dont just cling. And don't drag. Be strong. Be complete - with and without. Have an independent identity.
Richard Branson said:
"When something stops being fun, its time to move on." Don't drag a relationship, please! Work at it. Make it work. Thats of course if you really can't let it go.
Here is a fantastic piece from The Sunday Times that i suggest you read:
A healthy give and take attitude is the basis for a steady relationship. It’s when you realise you are getting nothing in return that a partnership is in jeopardy. Every relationship charts out its own gives and takes. That’s what relationships are all about — from a tie as pure as a mother and child to one forged for business alone, give and take is an innate part of every relationship. You cannot hope to just keep taking and expect the tie to last. Even the most philanthropic amongst us wouldn’t want to spend a lifetime giving; at some point there is bound to be the concern, “What did I get out of this?” After all, even charity is doled out in the hope of raking in some returns for ourselves, be they material, physical or spiritual. Give and take isn’t necessarily a bad word. Nor is it limited to business deals. However it is certainly something that can either be elevated to a lofty status or be relegated to something demeaning and lowly, depending on people involved and intentions. Quite often we wonder what makes certain relationships tick. As an outsider you may not be able to fathom how two seemingly mismatched people are pulling along in a relationship, but rest assured, there is almost always a reason. There is equal compensation both ways. Sometimes a very strong person who has everything going for him may hook up with an ordinary partner and the world may keep wondering what he gets from her. Difficult to say, but rest assured there will always be some vulnerability in the strong person that is complemented through the partner’s personality. And, the other person accrues the obvious benefits. So the give and take works both ways. And till it keeps working, the balance keeps the relationship steady and going. It is when one partner starts feeling that he or she has nothing more to gain from the other that the relationship is in jeopardy. Once you start feeling that there are only debits in a partnership, instinctively you try and get out of the situation. It may all sound very greedy and selfcentred, but it isn’t really so. Because the give and take is not really a monetary transaction; more a compensation for what the other person needs or misses in his or her life — physical, spiritual or emotional, And yes, even if one person gives just materially, it could make for a workable relationship so long as there is mutual respect. A partner who draws spiritual solace from someone, may be giving material comforts in return. That’s fine, so long as both benefit and the relationship is symbiotic. The point is caring enough to give the other what he or she needs.Some people are very selfish and stingy when it comes to giving anything of themselves to a partner. In their shortsightedness, they attack the very foundation of a relationship. A relationship with such a person would be self-destructive. However, if not being a giver is a problem, being just a giver without ever taking anything from anyone also disturbs the balance of nature. A story in psychotherapist Brian Weiss’s book, Through Time into Healing, comes to mind. A daughter, distraught at her mother's being rendered totally inactive after a paralytic attack, questions God why he has struck helpless a woman who did nothing but give throughout her life. The answer she receives is that by giving her mother two years of dependence on the daughter, God has saved her a lifetime of begging and accepting in another birth. Because it is critical for the mother to understand it’s as important to receive as it is to give. “It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving And is there aught you would withhold? All you have shall someday be given … See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.” — Kahlil Gibran
While we too sulk at times for reasons of our own. And we too wish for secrecy of what we want to remain undisclosed. We should respect others' preferences for privacy and keep that in mind regarding any relationship. Consider this : Some things are better undisclosed. Private. Personal Matters.
Just lets keep our privacy and let others keep theirs'. There's already enough to worry about in our own lives.
If you love someone, you want them to be there more and more and more. Doesn't make sense, but you want it so. You want to tell them about everything. You want them to tell you everything. And you want to giggle together. And you want to do that all the time with everything.
That is a nice test actually. If you don't think of that certain somebody when they are not around (thinking anything or nothing in particular but about them) then there's something missing. You need to work harder. Work at it together. Or work at something else together. Togetherness brings people together. You may love someone who's very different from you. But sometimes, we just want our loved ones to share the excitement that the too-different people don't relate to. The joys of everyday life. Like couples can cook together. Or evening walks. Paint. Music lessons. The simple things are really most pleasant. And they work. In human relationships, they work.
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