Blink!

Blink is a famous book by Malcolm Gladwell and it sure isn't about relationships. But it does present a very interesting idea about relationships. More about the concept of "contemp" than about relationships.

Gottman has found, in fact, that the presence of contempt in a marriage can even predict such things as how many colds a husband or wife gets; in other words, having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system. " Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community. The big gender difference with negative emotions is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem, the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more critical and it becomes a circle. But there isn't any gender difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all" Contempt is special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you dont need to know every detail of the couple's relationship.

I agree.

Ideas - Events - People

The lines on our palm say a lot about our person and life. Handwritings speak a lot about our personalities. Sleeping postures too are said to express significant details of our states of mind. Similar is the case with the things we talk about.

We can broadly talk about only ideas, events or people. It is an old saying that:

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

I think is makes sense. But the good news is that, by changing what we talk about, we can change the kind of person we are. Same as karma can change the lines of our palms.

Start thinking, and think before you talk.

Duck is a duck!

I believe that true happiness is when your words and your actions are in perfect agreement. But for most people it isn't so. People tend to fail their words. Their actions don't agree with their words or promises. It is a kind of deception even if we are all so used to it by now that we dont notice it. It still is, a deception.

Don't promise what you can't deliver. Mostly because delivering what you promise is such pleasure. Don't way what you dont mean. Or you'll always be misunderstood.

Knowingly or unknowingly, people notice. People notice the kind of person someone is. And everybody is constantly judged. And nobody cares to point out or help change or improvement. People judge you for what you act like and make their own set of choices. You do it too. Its just the rule of the game.

If it acts like a duck (all the time), it's a duck. Doesn't matter if the
duck thinks it's a dog, it's still a duck as far as the rest of us are
concerned.

For why wouldn't I?

I've become a fan. So please forgive me. But I love this part of the movie The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button where Elizabeth Abbot (Tilda Swinton) tells the story of her swimming through the English Channel. She admits that she wanted to. After struggling for hours she stopped. And hasn't done much with her life after that. Even though at the time, when asked about trying again, she has answered, "For why wouldn't I?".
This is the case with many of us. We give up too soon. While all the time, we were only one step too far.

Not so much attention!

We pay so much attention to some such unimportant people in our lives, its such a waste. Some people just need a reason to criticize you, or belittle you, sometimes not ever a reason. And yet we make such effors to please or ignore such defaulters. We try to argue, convince, sometimes avoid. While really, anything we do is already being done. Most of the things are being done all the time. So what is such a big deal that these few people need to pick on us, criticizing, irritating and just coming through as arrogant rats while many a times they themselves aren't so great anyway. It is just our attention that is making them feel as important at they are feeling in the first place.

All these people do is waste our time and attention. Discussing things that don't need any discussion. Inviting explainations on obvious actions. And really with no real returns.

Listen to what Samuel Goldwyn said:

Pay no attention to the critics. Don't even ignore them.

Are you all GIVE or just TAKE?

Here is a fantastic piece from The Sunday Times that i suggest you read:
A healthy give and take attitude is the basis for a steady relationship. It’s when you realise you are getting nothing in return that a partnership is in jeopardy. Every relationship charts out its own gives and takes. That’s what relationships are all about — from a tie as pure as a mother and child to one forged for business alone, give and take is an innate part of every relationship. You cannot hope to just keep taking and expect the tie to last. Even the most philanthropic amongst us wouldn’t want to spend a lifetime giving; at some point there is bound to be the concern, “What did I get out of this?” After all, even charity is doled out in the hope of raking in some returns for ourselves, be they material, physical or spiritual. Give and take isn’t necessarily a bad word. Nor is it limited to business deals. However it is certainly something that can either be elevated to a lofty status or be relegated to something demeaning and lowly, depending on people involved and intentions. Quite often we wonder what makes certain relationships tick. As an outsider you may not be able to fathom how two seemingly mismatched people are pulling along in a relationship, but rest assured, there is almost always a reason. There is equal compensation both ways. Sometimes a very strong person who has everything going for him may hook up with an ordinary partner and the world may keep wondering what he gets from her. Difficult to say, but rest assured there will always be some vulnerability in the strong person that is complemented through the partner’s personality. And, the other person accrues the obvious benefits. So the give and take works both ways. And till it keeps working, the balance keeps the relationship steady and going. It is when one partner starts feeling that he or she has nothing more to gain from the other that the relationship is in jeopardy. Once you start feeling that there are only debits in a partnership, instinctively you try and get out of the situation. It may all sound very greedy and selfcentred, but it isn’t really so. Because the give and take is not really a monetary transaction; more a compensation for what the other person needs or misses in his or her life — physical, spiritual or emotional, And yes, even if one person gives just materially, it could make for a workable relationship so long as there is mutual respect. A partner who draws spiritual solace from someone, may be giving material comforts in return. That’s fine, so long as both benefit and the relationship is symbiotic. The point is caring enough to give the other what he or she needs.Some people are very selfish and stingy when it comes to giving anything of themselves to a partner. In their shortsightedness, they attack the very foundation of a relationship. A relationship with such a person would be self-destructive. However, if not being a giver is a problem, being just a giver without ever taking anything from anyone also disturbs the balance of nature. A story in psychotherapist Brian Weiss’s book, Through Time into Healing, comes to mind. A daughter, distraught at her mother's being rendered totally inactive after a paralytic attack, questions God why he has struck helpless a woman who did nothing but give throughout her life. The answer she receives is that by giving her mother two years of dependence on the daughter, God has saved her a lifetime of begging and accepting in another birth. Because it is critical for the mother to understand it’s as important to receive as it is to give. “It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving And is there aught you would withhold? All you have shall someday be given … See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.” — Kahlil Gibran