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 We relate different emotions to different situations. So we expect pleasantries on meeting and memories on parting. But what about the new and unexpected situations?
Some situations are simply not romantic, but begin to be, simply because of the person we are sharing it with. That is something special. To some feeling thrilled on holding a special someone hand might seem old fashioned. But our bodies still react in a way, that even today, when we do want someone that much, we get thrilled at the slightest opportunities.
Feelings in their purest form are the ones that last the longest and mean the most. Try looking out for those, because all others are just twisted representations leading to even twisted emotions. It glorious to feel pure delight, pure sorrow or pure fun. Enjoy it while it lasts.
 Whenever we start learning a new language it takes us a while from moving from when we're just beginning to coming into the flow, and when the language spills out of us automatically. Same is with memories. They depart without notice.
Sometimes its not a matter of realizing as it is a matter of happening. Its important we forget. Its more important that we don't realize we forgot. Because that is equivalent to remembering. Sometimes, there is a certain solace in forgetting. Silence is so much better than noise.
It is us who decide to express happiness or guilt or fear. We are constantly designing every moment of our life. We make a choice when we choose to pick flowers for a loved one when we go to meet them. We plan surprises. Its the value of thought that is put in that makes it more precious than the gift itself.
Some people think its unnecessary to invest this time or emotion in making moments. Flowers die out they say. But so do dreams and life ends too. But we still live it in the best spirit affordable to our beings. So we must put thought in making each beginning as beautiful as can be and so the ending. Designing moments as filmy as can be and being directors of our own lives.
 You know what is so special about home? Its home! Thats what! Its the place which makes us feel like no other does. Its ours'. No matter how small or large, our houses make us feel safe. Its the place where we run to. And if we're lucky, we have people there who make the home even more a place to run to.
The people we love, make a house a home. That includes ourselves. A house is the place that gives us the sense of belonging. Even in an unknown land, our hotel room is our place. Because even if only for a few days, it belongs to us.
That is the reason we miss home when we're away. For the sense of belonging. The sense of being at rest. And comfortable.
Lately it seems to me that all the happy couples have known each other for a major part of their lives. So it was because they've known each other through the initial struggle of their lives, they connect better than the other couples. All movies seem to be telling me that. Slumdog Millionaire. Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Forrest Gump. All people who I come across seem to be showing me that.
Is there no hope for the people who haven't known each other forever? For that magical connection? For that "I know exactly what you feel" feeling?
Maybe we can become excellent story tellers and make up for the years lost. Maybe we can be fantastic lovers and make past unimportant. Maybe we can be so filled with future that there is only that moment and the possibilities of the next?
Maybe...
We pay so much attention to some such unimportant people in our lives, its such a waste. Some people just need a reason to criticize you, or belittle you, sometimes not ever a reason. And yet we make such effors to please or ignore such defaulters. We try to argue, convince, sometimes avoid. While really, anything we do is already being done. Most of the things are being done all the time. So what is such a big deal that these few people need to pick on us, criticizing, irritating and just coming through as arrogant rats while many a times they themselves aren't so great anyway. It is just our attention that is making them feel as important at they are feeling in the first place. All these people do is waste our time and attention. Discussing things that don't need any discussion. Inviting explainations on obvious actions. And really with no real returns. Listen to what Samuel Goldwyn said: Pay no attention to the critics. Don't even ignore them.
 We look for people who can understand us. We all do. You too must have wished for someone who could understand what you are going through. Or what really makes you happy. Or someone who knows exactly how you feel right now. Haven't you? We often confuse companionship with love. And so we just keep looking for it in the ones we love. But every relationship has its own place. A friend is a friend. A lover is a lover. A mother is a mother. We need all of them. Even those relationships that have no name...but this post is not for them.  An elder sibling is a parent who is your own day and age. He/She understand what you need to know, What you want to know, And also, what you know and wouldn't admit. Somebody we love to miss for fighting with. Someone who always thinks we're in love with the wrong person. Somebody we like to tease, tickle and please. Someone who has seen you through the best and the worst and has been there, literally, by default. I have some very fond memories of my brother as I'm sure many of you do (brothers or sisters). This post is dedicated to them. I miss my brother. And so I write this. Not because today is sibling day or something...
What is right for us may not be so right for someone else. But we all bargain in life. There are times when we take the dirt, for a certain hidden desire. We keep taking bad treatment from people who we love for a certain totally unrelated reason. They may not be there when we need them to be, but we are there for them. They may not listen, when we want to talk, but we always listen to them. They may not care, but we do. And we have the immense capacity to forgive them. Happens. Not for everybody. But for those select few.
Lucky, if they may be called so. But it is disrespect. But why would someone sacrifice their self-respect like that? I have never understood that part. Does anybody know? Some or the other times we all do it. That is the thing with human relationships. Our desire to keep the same people in our life. At some or whatever cost. But we want to retain people. And those who deny this with their theories of change, also get bored by the novelty every now and again. But if we all want it. Desire it so much. Why is it so difficult for people to stay?
 Right. So you just want all roses till you decide to throw them all away. Everybody wants all nice. Who doesn't like to be loved? But there's some responsibility to that. How can you treat someone badly, specially someone who loves you quite honestly. If you try it on yourself, you would want to be treated nicely by someone you love. Even when they don't love you back. Its a human need. Need for acknowledgement. Attention. Affection.
And think of it this way. If you are insulting/hurting someone because they are too emotional about you, are you trying to prove to them how wrong they are in loving you? Really? Aren't you worth it? Don't you agree when they say you're wonderful? You may not feel the same way about them. But you can agree. You can handle the admiration. You can thank. Check your self-esteem. You dont have to love everybody who loves you. But you should keep them people. These are the people who noticed you. The good things about you. There are plenty of people who would hate you, who will criticize you, be jealous of you, despise you. Who would you rather keep? The ones who hate you or the ones who love/like/admire you?
 Friends are the people you can tell things you wouldn't usually admit even to family. Jokes you can't share with a brother or a sister or parents. And yeah, sometimes they provide with excellent advice.
Advice is itself such a funny thing. We always know what to do, but we want advice. We know whats right, but we ask for more advice. Mostly advice is only an instruction to do the right thing which we are trying to avoid doing. We need advice because someone else can give us the view of the larger picture we lose while considering the details. Some or the other times, we all need advice.
There are two great ideas some very nice people told me recently.
" When you dont think things are right. Quite the way you want them to me. Quite
the way you think they should be. Wait. If its a bad patch, don't make it worse
by going on about it. Pass the time. Time heals everything. Bad time passes.
Things change. Progress returns. In time." - Shreye Mehtani And : "Never spend more than 24 hours on any feeling. Neither achievement and glory nor sadness and misery." - Niraj Jain and also Paras Gudka
Its something we all think we know. Only, we forget. Exactly when we need to remember it.
The key to survival is denial. We deny that we're tired. We deny we're scared. We deny badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. Denial is this crazy idea, this crazy practice we indulge in so many times and all so often. We deny, only because we're scared. We deny we're possessive, because we're scared to be exposed of loving too much. We deny we're scared to lose only when we are scared to lose. Admitting our weaknesses if difficult. But unless you do, you won't be overcoming any of them. And overcoming them, is very very important. Because unless we do, we don't move ahead and more often than that, we get run down. Denial keeps you from improvement. Denial keeps you in a loop. Denail keeps you scared. Denial makes you weak. Whatever you feel, is there for a reason. Find that reason. Take care of it. Face it. Whatever it is. Don't be scared. Know exactly whats hurting you. Fight your fears before facing your enemies. And don't deny when you're scared. Because if you make a habbit of being scared of sadness, maybe someday you'll just be too scared to admit happiness...
We see a lot of times we lose the people we love most. Only because we're too busy being arrogant or just too busy with ourselves. We fail to be there for the ones we love, in their times of need. Distracted with all the fake emotions the people show us, we forget the ones who really be there when we need. Someone wrote this for me once...maybe you'll connect with it.
(This is the first time I'm sharing something personal with you guys. I hope you enjoy it, you're my readers, and I would like to share this with you guys.)
So Incomplete Without You By Shreye Mehtani
(Dedicated to Deepa Goyal) Its about the time
When I started facing the world,
So fake, so insecure, so dark.
For the ones who are lost, like me
Punched, stabbed & kicked away
Don't know what to find. where to stay.
It was then, when I found you, staring,
I dont know what at, me
or the mud people threw on my face.
You wiped away the tears, the mud,
The webs that entangled my mind.
To recollect whatever was left far behind.
When I could upright & fight.
I couldnt see beyond the domain of revenge
And I never realized, your hand was slipping
And now when you are gone. I regret.
And realize, what stands true.
The fact, that I'm so incomplete without YOU.
We resolve to do things that we might not end up doing. But we're still without them so no problem. But what about things we resolve not to do and do repeatedly? So if you dont live up the resolution you have something that you dont want to have. Its like you have something good, you dont have something good and not a something bad either, or you have something bad about you. States, of being. Third one is bad. Surprisingly worse than the second state. First is wonderfull of course!
So what do we resolve? To make our resolves work! Because plan we may, target we may, but if we fail at it, it feels bad. And there's no better feeling than winning. And thats all we do things for, all we work for, put in efforts for - TO FEEL GOOD!
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
Homer Simpson
Are you impulsive?
Do your moods swings swing way faster than most people can predict?
Do people keep asking you if you're feeling ok?
Do people have a hard time being sure about what you think?
Right, you are the unpredictable moody i'm talking about. Do you realize how difficult it is to keep up with your moods? Do you understand the position of someone who is trying to be comfortable around you? Just relax will you? Control your moods for a while. It isn't all the difficult. Try? And yeah, just let people know what you're thinking. At least those who are eager to know. Please.
Some times we surprise ourselves big time. Does happen you know. Generally if someone taunts you, you might take it up as a challenge and try to beat that. But sometimes you're more intelligent and you feel how funny it is that they wanted to taunt you. You say, "really? Thanks you cared so much!" Others' opinions or critique is just not worth the attention we sometimes end up paying to it. It might hurt. But if we are still focussed on what we want, we are pretty much unhurt. Or the thing might not be such a prestige issue to you in the first place. When we realize how unhurt we are by things that might have affected us, we realize our strength for standing up for ourselves. Thats a lovely feeling. This particular quality is also described in the book called The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand, "It just hurts to a certain point. And then, there's no pain."
Painting by Deepa Goyal - "Nears but does not touch"
 Only the ones who love you will tell you what to do and what not to do and be irritated at your mistakes and hate you for making them. Others don't interfere, only because they don't care. Friends fight. Couples fight. Siblings fight. Only because they care enough to. That is real care. So when someone close to you is irritated, pay attention. If they're so worked up about it, they probably have a point. Same goes for you. If you're feeling so strongly about something in your loved ones' life, and you comment and they resist, don't just give up. Give space alright, but make your point. Thats what we're for.
Some people feel defeated. Sometimes everybody does. Some people take too much time to get over it. Some people never do. While some people get going quick. They move on. They take up the next challenge. We are always told to not to stay down after falling down, but how difficult is it to practice? If you're defeated and someone tells you go to hell, you probably do. But even to those, there are few who will take criticism seriously even under stress or sorrow. That is real strength. Sometimes everybody breaks. But listen. Listen when you can't think for youself. Listen, when you dont have enough to say.
Here is a fantastic piece from The Sunday Times that i suggest you read:
A healthy give and take attitude is the basis for a steady relationship. It’s when you realise you are getting nothing in return that a partnership is in jeopardy. Every relationship charts out its own gives and takes. That’s what relationships are all about — from a tie as pure as a mother and child to one forged for business alone, give and take is an innate part of every relationship. You cannot hope to just keep taking and expect the tie to last. Even the most philanthropic amongst us wouldn’t want to spend a lifetime giving; at some point there is bound to be the concern, “What did I get out of this?” After all, even charity is doled out in the hope of raking in some returns for ourselves, be they material, physical or spiritual. Give and take isn’t necessarily a bad word. Nor is it limited to business deals. However it is certainly something that can either be elevated to a lofty status or be relegated to something demeaning and lowly, depending on people involved and intentions. Quite often we wonder what makes certain relationships tick. As an outsider you may not be able to fathom how two seemingly mismatched people are pulling along in a relationship, but rest assured, there is almost always a reason. There is equal compensation both ways. Sometimes a very strong person who has everything going for him may hook up with an ordinary partner and the world may keep wondering what he gets from her. Difficult to say, but rest assured there will always be some vulnerability in the strong person that is complemented through the partner’s personality. And, the other person accrues the obvious benefits. So the give and take works both ways. And till it keeps working, the balance keeps the relationship steady and going. It is when one partner starts feeling that he or she has nothing more to gain from the other that the relationship is in jeopardy. Once you start feeling that there are only debits in a partnership, instinctively you try and get out of the situation. It may all sound very greedy and selfcentred, but it isn’t really so. Because the give and take is not really a monetary transaction; more a compensation for what the other person needs or misses in his or her life — physical, spiritual or emotional, And yes, even if one person gives just materially, it could make for a workable relationship so long as there is mutual respect. A partner who draws spiritual solace from someone, may be giving material comforts in return. That’s fine, so long as both benefit and the relationship is symbiotic. The point is caring enough to give the other what he or she needs.Some people are very selfish and stingy when it comes to giving anything of themselves to a partner. In their shortsightedness, they attack the very foundation of a relationship. A relationship with such a person would be self-destructive. However, if not being a giver is a problem, being just a giver without ever taking anything from anyone also disturbs the balance of nature. A story in psychotherapist Brian Weiss’s book, Through Time into Healing, comes to mind. A daughter, distraught at her mother's being rendered totally inactive after a paralytic attack, questions God why he has struck helpless a woman who did nothing but give throughout her life. The answer she receives is that by giving her mother two years of dependence on the daughter, God has saved her a lifetime of begging and accepting in another birth. Because it is critical for the mother to understand it’s as important to receive as it is to give. “It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving And is there aught you would withhold? All you have shall someday be given … See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.” — Kahlil Gibran
Feeling is the language of the soul. That is how our differentiation between good and bad functions. We just know. We just feel something isn't right or if we know what we're doing is right, we just know it.
Yet, some people try to avoid the feeling or regret or hurt. How that can be done, is quite a mystery. Everybody makes mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
We need to go through a certain feeling to know what it is really like and grow with that experience. If we don't permit ourselves to feel too great or too bad, it will contribute to the self-esteem in the wrong way. Each suffering and each pain comes from something about life. They teach us about what we could have done, what we are capable of doing and what we could not have done. With each experience we grow, so that the next time, we're better equipped.
But if we avoid feeling bad about something we do, we'll never try to correct it and hence we'll never improve.
Its easier to feel bad and decide to improve than to stop from feeling bad. Because then we're conscious of what not to feel bad about, giving ourselves constant explanation and excuse not to feel bad.
But learn we must. To help, to love and to grow. If we give up on people because of only a few bad people, the good people will never get a chance to be judged. You can't avoid feeling bad, but we must accept it quick and learn from it and move over it fast. Don't forget to feel all feelings, but keep moving on.
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We relate different emotions to different situations. So we expect pleasantries on meeting and memories on parting. But what about the new and unexpected situations?
